Had a very fruitful day working today even though had to stay back for a couple of hours more, but i guess it was worth it. I had a hard time convincing my fellow colleagues and my immediate superior on my theory about some stuff regarding a certain project. I believed that my theory was the right one but the rest think otherwise. How did it happened i didn't know, but all i knew was that in my mind and my heart, i am right. I had to go through with them over and over again about my theory and everytime they were not convince and pointed out strongly that i was wrong. I felt the pressure was all over me. It was not a nice feeling actually, when you are alone fighting to prove a valid point while the rest are against you. They were already being misled to believe that they were right, while in actual fact they weren't.
Especially when the superior, who has more experience, is also against your point. It was harder to convince him. It was EVEN HARDER to prove that he and the rest were wrong too. Our discussion became more and more intense, and with every passing moment, it became a heated debate over whose theory was right and wrong. It came to a point where i could feel that the rest were getting very frustrated and angry that they could just whack me in the face and tell me straight to "wake up my idea". But i persisted that i was right. I don't know why and i almost gave in. In my mind i was thinking: "maybe i was wrong and they are right. maybe i didn't get my facts right." I could see the frustration in my superior, his blood seems boiling as I kept disagreeing with their theory repeatedly and trying to convince them with mine. It seems to him that I'm a "knuckle-head" and i could not get what he is trying to telling me into my "thick skull". Many unpleasant thoughts were running through my mind at that point of time. I could feel the tension mounting on everybody including me. If i give in at that point of time, definitely it will be worse for me in the near future. I didn't. I stick to my points and stood my ground. With my last bit of faith and confidence, i decided to push on again one last time. Slowly one by one they started to see what i see, and were finally convinced that I was right all along, even though they jokingly commented that "I didn't put it in a more clearer view" to them.
Frankly speaking, i feel that they were already getting restless with me. Probably it was because that i had a track record of "unable to understand at first time" in many situations. Sometimes, I had to be told two or more times before i realised what is happening. I had inevitably created a bad impression on myself. I could be labelled "slow", "illogical", "uncomprehensive". No wonder people will easily brush me off. No one can understand what i was trying to explain. Maybe it's the way i talked / present myself. Or the way i tried to argue my points, seems like i cannot do that very well and others tend to less receptive towards me.
I felt lost and hopeless. I kept asking myself, "am i so uncomprehensible?"
Had a talk with my ex-supervisor about this matter. Advised me to hold back abit and slowly lead others to my idea, then let them see what i see. He added that it could be me that was right but at the end of the day, i didn't do myself any favor. "it is easy to do the talking, but harder to convince others." He is right and i could not agree more. What's the point of discussing what's right and what's wrong when it was getting more tensed and heated as the discussion goes on and on? Everyone's frustrated including me. So do i just let them be first and find out their mistakes while letting time tell that i was eventually right? I couldn't do that, especially when timing plays a crucial part. I had to make those certain decisions that could damage my relationship with my colleagues further but i had no choice. All i can do was damage control and fix the problems in the near future, although it will take a long period of time. The perils i have face each and everyday, do you really think that i am actually smiling everyday?
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